Perhaps the email scam industry isn't for me

PLEASE SEND ALMOST ALL OF YOUR MONEY TO ME

You don’t know who I am. That’s okay. I forgive you. But that’s no reason to ignore my heartfelt plea: I would like very much for you to send almost all of your money to me. Now.

I know what you’re thinking: this is another one of those moneymaking scams like that Nigerian bank thing or “The Internal Revenue Service.” But I assure you that if you send almost all of your money to me (right now, please!) I will spend it only on the finest wines and whores that almost all of your money can buy.

You probably think it would be unfair for me to get almost all of your money when people like yourself can barely afford the basic necessities of life like food and water and vicodin. But life isn’t fair; and fair isn’t life. I don’t know what that means, but I do know this: I could use almost all of your money to change the world. What do you mean, how? I just could!
No, you shut up!

Maybe you’re a spiritual person. You believe in God and Jesus and Noah and the Seven deadly apostles, etc.

Well, I had a conversation with God where He said He wanted me to have almost all of your money. Really. Well, actually I brought up the money thing during a lull in the conversation, but He gave a thumbs up right away – and in my experience He’s usually reluctant to greenlight stuff like that.

Let me now reiterate the need to act immediately – by sending almost all of your money to me.

Thank you,

Worst possible names for a stripper

Festerina

President Mckinley

Gladys, the corrupt hospital administrator (formerly Nina the naughty nurse)

Mrs. Pac Man

The embalmer’s assistant

Brian Urlacher

Scabies

embryonna

Auntie pasto

metamucila

Tough Choices for Teens

This hoax video project was sent to various media outlets - mostly 'gay' magazines - with the following letter:

Dear friend,

After a quick perusal of your publication, I can sense that you and your staff – like ours at The Family Council on Teen Sex – are deeply concerned about the homosexual agenda in this once great land of ours. Your decision to expose the disgusting details of the gay lifestyle on page after page of your classified section shows a courage rarely seen in the liberal-controlled media today – a courage I didn’t fully grasp until three or four thorough perusals.

After the fifth perusal (just to make sure I didn’t miss anything else) I tucked your publication away, caught my breath and emerged from the men’s room stall, emboldened by your publication’s frank depiction of the Sodomite community and determined to arm you and your fine Christian organization in your battle against what our liberal friends so charitably call “the alternative lifestyles.”

Enclosed please find a copy of “Tough choices for teens” – a finely produced DVD which helps clarity the difficult decisions kids face today in the “fresh,” “fly” hip-hop language of Negro youth. Feel free to pass it along to any sexually confused teen in your life to help guide them toward the biblical understanding of a healthy relationship: a man, a woman, and -- for a few lucky rulers -- hundreds of young nubile concubines enslaved from neighboring heathen nations.

God Bless,