Index listings which, if included in my biography decades from now, would suggest that the second half of my life did not go well

Governor’s mansion drunkenly ransacked by, 103-105
reality show participation of, 107, 108
Major league baseball mascots assaulted by, 111, 114
Matlock memorabilia collection of, 120, 122

PBS:
pledge drive hosted by, 127
on-air profanity accidentally uttered by, 128-130
FCC endorsed televised flogging of, 131

bone marrow sold on black market by, 134

Saved by the Bell:
reunion enthusiastically supported by, 137, 139-141
cast members restraining order repeatedly violated by, 141,144,147-149
NBC parking lot indecent exposure arrest of, 149-151

Miracle ear phone sales career of, 152-155

herbal Viagra:
dangerously excessive use of, 157-159, 160, 162, 165
lawsuit initiated by, 166-168
47 dollar out of court settlement happily accepted by, 169-171

nationwide manhunt for, 174